i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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