Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
