How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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