so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
