Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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