Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
