So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
