The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The Olympian is in my bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
