Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am naked and annoyed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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