So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
