I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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