Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
