i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
