I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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