I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize