Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
