Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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