a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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