Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
