Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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