I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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