I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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