Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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