I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
