Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
