Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
