That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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