Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
