i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
