I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
