she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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