I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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