Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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