right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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