We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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