...so i touched it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
