I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
