Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
