ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
