i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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