one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
COCAINE IS GR8
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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