I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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