Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She even gives head with a lisp.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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