So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
