That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
