We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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