put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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