I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
