I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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