If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
