Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
