Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
