It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
