My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
