you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
