I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
