"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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