11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
