Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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