My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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