I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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