My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
