There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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