needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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