He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
