We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
